I Do What I Want
by Mello's little subordinate
Summary: Mello is an angel... But he has his own methods to show Matt what is GOOD and what is BAD. first uploaded and maybe the first written, hope you enjoy.
1. The Beginning

first of mines. next chapter will be added, even if i don't really know how.  
ps- i don't own deathnote or ANYBODY. so no blames.  
enjoy.

* * *

**Matt's pov.**

Cold… It's so… Uh? What the-... Oh, Mello…

I saw him standing on his knees in front of me. There were about 10cm that were between us in which I couldn't raise my hand to reach his smooth pale skin. I don't know why, what was wrong with me? Something so precious and so close…

"Matt… Hey Matt…"

Such tender voice. I loved the sound of his calm monotone speech. I remember it from the first day we met back there at Wammy's.  
I lost some of my memory from the past I've lived so painfully with my mom and dad. Probably got a trauma from being beaten up all the time, being so unprotected. Yes, my parents didn't actually care about my health or my education, though they knew I was very smart for my age. They considered me rather _amusing_. I was like an unwanted toy, appeared from nowhere- what else could they do with me? Probably just throw away or kill, like other parents did with their mistakes. So yes, I am glad they kept me, otherwise I would have died and never seen the good side of life.  
I think I was _way_ too peaceful for them: sitting quietly in my room which had no furniture, no toys, no light- nothing. I could've played there for hours, alone. I didn't need anybody…

Until I met him, the one who will be my only reason to live…

"Hey Matt! Fuckin' get your languid body off the floor and bring me those creepin' guns you should've brought long ago from Mark's. What are you, asleep or something?"

Yep… That definitely was _my_ Mello, no doubt.  
Even though he talked monotonously, he liked to yell a lot. And when I say "a lot" I really mean so.

I tried to open my eyes wider to see the look on Mello's face so I could see how mad he was. I guess he understood that I was helpless and couldn't open my eyes clearly and get up as well; I could tell that by the short "pft" he had given me as an answer to my actions. I needed to get up quickly before he begins any harsh moves.

"M-Mel...lo…" is all I could come up with after gathering all the might I had left in me.  
So, Matt, prepare to be hit and yelled at because this is what you deserve after not holding yourself together.

"Matt… It's okay, you can be silent if you can't talk, I understand. Relax, don't go anywhere, I'll send someone after them guns. Actually, I wanted to say… that… that I love you, Matty."

…Those were probably some words which I could hear from Mello only in my sweet dreams. No, I couldn't even dream of it, so pleasant the sound is… How-why? Why did he tell me this now? He could've told me earlier so I could tell him that too! Why now, when I'm speechless and can't move?  
I slightly moved my arm to see if I could move at all, but realized that there was something that kept me from moving. I looked at Mello's sneering face, it was… Strange. Did he enjoy watching me like this?

"Hey, Matty-boy, what's wrong? Can't move? Aw, so you did drink that coke I gave you huh?"

He began to laugh.  
I got rid of the fog in my head and quickly looked behind me. Handcuffs. Wow, Mello, when did you do that? I tried to free my hands from them but they were too tight that it hurt. Then I stopped to even try doing anything.

"M-Mello… What is _this_ all about?" I said with some disturbed voice and looking at him with puppy-eyes so he'll see how serious I was.  
But he didn't change his expression and his grin even grew wider.

"Hah, oh Matt, you're so fun to play with!" he said, still monotonously, but this time with a wicked accent, "very fun and enjoyable! You remember the bottle of coke I gave you when you were so busy playing that dumb DS of yours? Well, _I_ wanted attention and _you_ didn't give it to me. This was my decision to give you a soporific-full bottle of coke! Hah, now _I_ get what _I_ want. Now I deserve it."

I remained speechless. Was he kidding me? No, this was him- just the all-so-royal bitch, and all I could do is keep silent and calm, otherwise I'll get what I deserve.  
I slightly moved my head to the left so I can avoid Mello's crazy gaze, but he grabbed my hair and pulled it back.

"Ow! Mello, it hurts!" I said, trying to make him feel at least a little bit ashamed, but no use.  
"What? Are you _scared_? I'll be gentle, don't worry, I love you, Matty"

Those words were no longer tender to me, even though I dreamed to hear them for a long-long time…  
I knew I would be terrorized for being non-talkative and paying no attention to my prince, but I had no idea _what_ I would get…


	2. Time to realise

sorry it took me so long, i didn't have time, working hard at home doing EVERYTHING.  
so, next chap. They are all small i know, just that english is not my first language.

ENJOY.

* * *

He stood there still laughing with his eyes open wide and x-raying through me. It was like he was reading my thoughts for all of this time, but all I could think of for the moment were the words _what the hell_?

He slowly moved his left hand towards me and touched my cheek with such care as if he were a mother to me which I never had… I blushed little but tried to hide my face from Mello because if he sees pink all over my face, he'll get more pleasure…

His hand moved slowly up to my forehead, but changed direction, moving down to my neck… to my chest… I shivered a little, it was so gentle, so careful, so… perfect…

"Mello… Why are you doing this to me…?"

He looked straight into my eyes, but this time his gaze was different, it changed from crazy to sad… He didn't say a thing, just closed his eyes and leaned forward at me. He brushed his lips with mine, softly. I blushed even more, even got lost in what was happening at that moment, I surely could've expected something unusual, but surely not this… this is not him… this is not Mello…

He twirls his tongue in my mouth exploring every part of it, deepening the kiss more and more…

"…Nnhh…!"

Those noises I'm making, I don't want to make them, but something is just blocking my mind from thinking about that… or is it Mello?

He is so good at it, seriously. Not like I've been kissing a lot and stuff.. not like I've ever kissed anyone before. No, wait, there was that girl…

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"Matt! Hey Matt! C'mon follow me already!"

"Hoi hoi, where are you taking me?!"

But she didn't even want to answer me, holding my wrist and dragging me somewhere outside Wammy's and into the bushes. While we were running, I saw her taking a peek on me, her wide-open hazel eyes.. Mine were so different from hers, green and never so happy. At that moment I was sure about this, I was too curious of the thought where are we running!

Suddenly she stopped somewhere in the middle of a beautiful little field..

"Sugoii..", I said looking up and reaching my hands up to the sky, "Is this where you wanted to take me?"

She smiled then came closer to me with this strange question..

"Do you love Mello?"

"Eh?! Wh-.. what are you saying?! We're both boys you know…"

"Yes, I know but.. when you both are together it seems like something more than friendship is between you"

"Shut up, no. We're just good friends, that's all!"

"Ah..", she quickly hugged me almost squishing, "I'm so relieved now!"

And she kissed me… A simple childish kiss, noting special. It's not like I felt something towards that girl, but.. I felt.. comfortable with the kiss. So I closed my eyes…

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"..Mmm…"

I slightly opened my eyes.. What..? Mello?  
Oh, yes… I think I got _too_ far with the memories, hah…

Now that I think of it… she was right though…  
If you ask me now, I'll say _yes_. Not sure, but I know that if I say _no_, it will be a lie.

I do…

I do… love him…

I do love.. Mello…

While I was thinking, Mello made the kiss even more hot and expressive. It can be surely told that he've done it with someone else before. No..

Mello, no… I don't want to think that.. you've kissed anyone before me…

I love you… I want you to be only mine, I've always thought that you _are_ mine…

I love you…

"I love you… Mello"

the next thing I realized is that Mello stopped the kiss already and my thoughts came out.  
He smiled… Oh, I love that smile, say something, Mello.. I want to hear your voice.

"I know that, dumbass. You thought you were hiding it so skillfully didn't you? Hahaha"

…fuck.

I knew he was a total bitch, but not that far! Screwing me up like that…

"I-", but my sentence was cut off by Mello's next kiss... Ah, you know how to shut me up don't you.

But this time I tried to make _me_ the leader in this kiss, so I took advantage on myself… even though I don't know how to do it right, but it's time for Mello to understand that I'm not just any _dog_ for him.


End file.
